How to Recognize When You’re in an Abusive Relationship

kharrison149
Jul 23
3 min read

Abuse doesn't always look the way we expect it to. It’s not always bruises or yelling. Sometimes, it’s silence, manipulation, isolation, or fear that feels confusing and hard to explain. Abuse can happen to anyone—regardless of age, gender, background, or status—and the signs are often subtle at first.

If something in your relationship doesn’t feel right, it’s worth paying attention. Recognizing abuse is the first step toward protecting yourself and reclaiming your power.

What Is Abuse?

Abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over another person. It can take many forms, including:

Emotional or psychological abuse
Verbal abuse
Physical abuse
Sexual abuse
Financial abuse
Digital or technological abuse

These behaviors often escalate over time, and the person being abused may feel trapped, confused, or ashamed. But no matter the form it takes, abuse is never your fault.

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Here are some common signs that may indicate you're in an abusive relationship:

1. You Feel Afraid of Your Partner

You walk on eggshells around them
You change your behavior to avoid setting them off
You fear how they’ll react to simple things like a text, a question, or a disagreement

2. Your Partner Controls You

They decide who you can see, where you can go, or what you can wear
They monitor your phone, emails, or social media
They take control of your finances or withhold money

3. They Dismiss or Gaslight You

They make you doubt your own memory or perception ("That never happened" or "You're too sensitive")
They blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
They deny your feelings or tell you you're overreacting

4. They Isolate You

They discourage or forbid you from spending time with friends or family
They make you feel guilty for having outside relationships
They convince you that no one else cares about you

5. They Use Guilt, Threats, or Intimidation

They threaten to hurt you, themselves, or your loved ones
They break things, punch walls, or use physical intimidation to scare you
They guilt-trip you into staying or doing things you don’t want to do

6. The Relationship Is a Cycle of Hurt and Apology

There's a repeating pattern: tension builds → abuse happens → apologies and promises → temporary calm → tension builds again
They may be charming or loving after an incident, making it harder to leave

You Deserve to Be Safe

If you’re questioning whether what you’re experiencing is abuse, trust your instincts. Confusion, fear, and self-doubt are all common signs that something is wrong. You don’t have to wait for “proof” or for things to get worse. Emotional pain is real pain. You deserve love, respect, and safety—not fear, control, or manipulation.

What You Can Do

If this post resonates with you, here are some steps to consider:

Talk to someone you trust — a friend, therapist, or support organization.
Document your experiences if it’s safe to do so.
Reach out to a domestic violence hotline or local shelter for confidential support.
Make a safety plan if you're thinking about leaving. Leaving can be the most dangerous time—plan carefully and get support.

Resources

National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org
Text “START” to 88788 to connect with an advocate
Local women's shelters or community services can also help with safe housing and legal aid

Final Thoughts

Abuse thrives in silence. The moment you begin to name it, you start to take back your power. Recognizing the truth is painful, but it’s also incredibly brave—and it’s the beginning of freedom.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. And you are never to blame for someone else’s abuse. Our clinicians at RDU Counseling for Change are here to help. To schedule an appointment, click here.